Week 3 — Feedback That Lands

60-Second Summary

Week 3 of the 12-week program. Theme: Direct, kind, useful — pick three.
Feedback within 7 days — the ritual you install this week.
60 min pre-read + 90 min cohort + Friday homework with a falsifiable artefact.
Reviewed by HR Director, line manager, and OB faculty lenses.

Avoided feedback is the most expensive thing a new manager does. The cost compounds: the behaviour continues, the team notices the manager won't address it, the eventual conversation becomes a 'why didn't you tell me sooner?' explosion, and the relationship damages either way. Feedback is a skill, not a personality trait — taught, practiced, and improvable like any other operating skill.

What the evidence says

Heath brothers (Made to Stick / Switch): specific, behavioural feedback is retained ~4× more than evaluative feedback ('you're great at X').
Stone & Heen (Thanks for the Feedback): the limiter on feedback is the receiver's ability to take it in, not the giver's eloquence — three triggers (truth, relationship, identity) explain most rejection.
Edmondson: psychological safety enables feedback to be given without harm; without safety, feedback is heard as threat regardless of skill.

Pre-read (60 minutes)

Read: SBI (Situation–Behaviour–Impact) and its limitations — 15 min.
Read: 'The feedback you're avoiding' — Lara Hogan — 15 min.
Read: Stone & Heen on the three triggers of feedback rejection — 20 min.
Reflect (10 min): name one piece of feedback you've been avoiding for more than two weeks. Who, what behaviour, what impact?

Live session (90 minutes)

Cohort flow with a senior-manager coach

1
SBI / SBII reset (15 min)
Coach walks through Situation–Behaviour–Impact–Invitation. The Invitation ('what's your read?') is the move most managers skip; without it, feedback is a verdict, not a conversation.
2
The two-direction frame (15 min)
Every feedback should also include 'what feedback do you have for me?' This converts the conversation from hierarchical to mutual and dramatically lowers defensiveness.
3
Live role-play (40 min)
Pairs work through three real scenarios brought from their own teams. Coach gives specific in-the-moment feedback on phrasing, pacing, silence.
4
Receiving feedback (15 min)
Often missed in feedback training. Practice the three moves: thank, ask one clarifying question, do not defend in the moment.
5
Commitments (5 min)
Each manager names a specific feedback they will deliver before next Friday — with date, person, and intended outcome.

The ritual you install this week

Feedback within 7 days

Any feedback you find yourself wanting to give — positive or developmental — gets delivered within 7 days. If you're carrying feedback longer than that, you're carrying it for your benefit, not theirs. Track it: keep a 'feedback to give' list, and date each item. Anything older than 7 days needs delivery or a conscious decision to drop it.

Modern tools for this skill

Category	Examples (2026)	Use
In-flow feedback	15Five, Lattice Feedback, CultureAmp	Easy to log and revisit
Slack feedback	Slack DMs with /me reminders, Bonusly	Public recognition; private development
AI drafting	Claude/ChatGPT with SBII template	Draft the words; you decide and deliver
Feedback log	Notion DB or Lattice notes	Private to you; pattern-spot over months

Copy-paste AI prompt

I need to give [name] feedback. Behaviour: [describe]. Impact: [describe]. Help me draft three versions of an SBII opening — one direct, one warmer, one more curious — and identify which of Stone & Heen's three triggers (truth, relationship, identity) the person is most likely to feel.

Friday homework — falsifiable artefacts

One developmental feedback delivered to a report this week, in person (or video).
One specific positive feedback delivered, going beyond 'great job' — name the behaviour and the impact.
Asked at least one report 'what feedback do you have for me?' and listened without defending.
Feedback log started — running list of feedback given/owed.
Submitted to coach: a redacted SBII writeup of the developmental feedback you gave.

Success signal

By end of week 3, you have delivered a piece of feedback you had been avoiding. The conversation did not destroy the relationship — and in most cases, the relationship strengthened.

Reviewer notes

HR Director (15+ yrs)

Most performance terminations I've supported should have been a normal feedback conversation 6 months earlier. The manager was waiting for HR to say it was time. By the time it gets to me, the documentation isn't there, the employee is blindsided, and the legal risk is real. Deliver the feedback. Document it. Most of the cases never need to come to my desk.

Line Manager (20+ yrs)

The 'sandwich' (compliment-criticism-compliment) is one of the most damaging habits in management. People hear the structure, discount the compliments, and resent the manipulation. Be direct. Be kind. They're not opposites.

OB / HR Professor (25+ yrs)

Stone & Heen's distinction between appreciation, coaching, and evaluation as three different types of feedback is critical. Most managers confuse them — delivering coaching when the report wanted appreciation, or evaluation when they needed coaching. Naming the type at the start of the conversation prevents 80% of the misfires.

Written by Pawan Joshi.Sources cited inline.

First published 23 Jun 2026See site changelog →